You Wanna Fight!?
We’ve all been there. You might even be there now. You just can’t seem to make amends with someone who wronged you. Every conversation you have with them leads to an argument or disagreement. Now you do everything you can to avoid communication with him/her. What if I told you there are ways to make things better? What if I told you that by simply changing a few things, you will be able to better handle conflict no matter the situation? Haven’t sold you yet? Maybe go and try some of this out for yourself and see if you like it or not before you completely buy-in. But for now, just hear me out and let me know what you think!
Understand Before Being Understood
The best thing you can say in conflict: “Help me understand.” Place yourself on the same team as the individual you aren’t in agreement with and work together to get over this speed bump. Instead of trying to argue your side or explain why you think you’re right, give them an opportunity to help you understand.
The worst thing you can say in conflict: “My way or the highway.” Go into the conversation with the mentality that you could be wrong. Even if you don’t think there is one, assume that there is an area where you can improve. You aren’t perfect, so don’t carry yourself as if you are. Growth will never happen if both sides are hard-hearted and fixed in their thinking that they are right.
Even if you didn’t do anything wrong, find something to apologize for. And be sincere. Swallow your pride and find something that you could have done differently to help ease the situation. Apologize for not seeing things the way that they might have or for responding the way you did. Whatever it may be, if you truly want restoration, you will find something you could have done differently or better.
If you have been wronged, forgive often and easily. No, I’m not asking you to forget it. But you can change the bitterness you have towards the individual. We’re all human and we will all fail each other in one way, shape, or form. Imagine yourself in their shoes; would you want to be forgiven? If you were the one who did the wronging, ask what you can do to receive forgiveness. Understand that you can’t force someone to forgive you, so be patient with them.
Restoration is Possible
No matter your situation, I assure you, it can be resolved. You are never too far gone for things to be fixed. The worse that things may seem, the sweeter they will taste when they are restored. Take action in your present and future conflicts. Use these helpful tips to avoid going off the deep end and damaging friendships/relationships.
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–The Berger Hargis Team